A Reason for Everything

I am the type of person who wants a to connect the dots for all aspects of my life. Recently, I have been sucked into the world of reading blogs.

It started very innocently with a link from a message board I post on to the blog of Angie Smith. I quickly was drawn into her blog. She has an amazing relationship with God, even during a very stormy time in her life. Angie's blog follows the pregnancy, birth and untimely death of her beautiful daughter Audrey Caroline. Through her blog, I linked to a few others. All of these blogs had one thing in common: a difficult prognosis being given, followed by the loss of a sweet baby.

Another favorite blog of mine is that of Matt Logelin. He was another blog, found innocently through the Star Trib's Cribsheet blog. His story is very different, but has a very common thread: loss. Matt's wife, Liz, was on strict hospital bed rest before giving birth to their baby daughter Madeline prematurely. Liz lost her life 27 hours after the birth of her daughter, on her way to hold Maddy for the first time. I have linked to several other widow blogs from Matt's that I just can't stop reading.

Often times I wonder, "Why is it that I am so drawn to these stories of loss?" Since I feel like there must be a reason, it has me almost panicking at times that I am reading these blogs to prepare myself for some unknown in the future. Am I going to conceive a child only to lose my husband in a car crash? Will I conceive another child who will not be perfectly formed in womb and lose them? These thoughts are endless and honestly kind of scare me.

I am not normally an anxious person, but for some reason I can't stop thinking these horrible thoughts of what could be. I know that only time will tell all the answers to my questions, but that does not stop me from asking them. I want to know the reason for everything.